A Porcupine for People Skills
by UndercoverMoffat
Summary: "What is your - study about?" Ward asks him while they sit in a dark van in the middle of a bloody alleyway, watching a couple of "potential national security threats" wait out on the corner. "I'm observing how the level of aesthetic countenance in an individual relates to their likelihood of having a discourteous personality type."


Leo Fitz calls dibs the moment Grant Ward is in his eyesight.

Who can blame him really, Grants all badassery and dark, tall and handsomeness, and Jemma can deny it all she wants but she totally would have called that arse if Leo hadn't beaten her to it.

Leo learns quickly enough that Ward's vocabulary isn't much past an eighth grade level (which can be forgiven), and that he's a clumsy fool who steps on Leo's pride and joy, Bilbo. It'd be endearing if the jerk didn't brush it off when Leo gave a strangled yelp and jumped into rescue the pieces of his favourite droid. Worse, Grant stares at him like hes crazy and Leos two inches away from kicking Ward in his pride and joy, but his arms are full of the shattered pieces of Bilbo so he just yells loudly and turns away.

Not soon after, Ward insults Samwise the baby droid, and calls him a useless piece of junk, and Fitz cancels his dibs as quickly as he called it.

~X~

"Why is it always the good-looking ones that are total arseholes," Leo Fitz demands, waving his arms in an exaggerated (drunken) circle. "There has to be some kind of formula for it!"

Jemma fixes him with a long hard stare. "You're not going to let this go are you?"

Leo crosses his arms defiantly. "Its a genuine hypothesis. You know what," he points a lazy finger at her. "Im gonna do a study."

"A study," Jemma repeats with a raised eyebrow.

"A science study," Leo reaffirms and then he's passing out over the bar counter.

~X~

Jemma, being the conniving little shit wrapped in beakers and ponytailed innocence she is, doesn't let his "study" drop either. So when one arsehole named Grant Ward marches into their lab with a sour look on his face and tells them Coulson assigned him on a mission with "Whichever one of you is Fitz" Jemma is all too pleased to push Leo forward.

"He has a study he's doing," Jemma informs Ward with a grin, and he raises an eyebrow at her. "You'd be a lot of help."

Leo wants to thump her in the back of the head and possibly set her favourite stuffed penguin on fire, but he doesn't really get a chance to do either, because Ward is turning those insulting dark eyes on him. "As long as it doesn't get in the way." Leo pretty much wants to thump Ward on the back of the head for that, and totally would have after Ward turned around if Jemma hadn't grabbed his arm.

~X~

"What is your - study about?" Ward asks him while they sit in a dark van in the middle of a bloody alleyway, watching a couple of "potential national security threats" wait out on the corner. Leos skin is crawling and he's already calculated the odds of this being one of those rumoured team bonding times Coulsons throwing at them instead of a real mission.

Ward doesn't look at Leo when he asks, so Leo doesn't look at Ward when he answers. "I'm observing how the level of aesthetic countenance in an individual relates to their likelihood of having a discourteous personality type."

Grant opens his mouth like hes going to reply but then gunfire goes off and hes jumping out of the car like a bloody ninja and Leos stuck waiting behind a bulletproof windshield.

~X~

Jemma asks Leo how his date went after him and Ward get back from briefing, and he doesn't hesitate in thumping her on the back of the head this time.

Ward shoots Leo a look and says, "What date?" like he cares and Leo pretty much wants to set himself on fire. If he's going down in flames, so is Jemma's stuffed penguin Mr. Pip.

~X~

"I heard something about a study?" Skye asks Fitz and Jemma as she wanders into the lab on a particularly slow day. Leo clears his throat a little loudly and nearly trips over his stool in response, and boy, is he glad Jemma brought Mr. Pip in her purse today, because that wee thing is going up in a fireball the second he gets his hands on it.

Skye crosses her arms and taps her foot against the ground like she can read Leo as if he were an open book. "Something about how the way a person looks has to do with their being a jerk?"

"Dear God," Leo whispers in exaggerate awe. "That arsehole understood what I was saying."

Skye rolls her eyes but she and Jemma share a look and Leo knows he's fucked.

~X~

Team bonding time, according to Agent Coulson, means having a nightly ritual of beers before heading wherever home may be, and Leo's a Scott so he can hold his malt liquor well (get vodka in him though and he's a bloody mess, a fact for which Jemma is very aware of) but Grand Ward is as hopelessly American as they come and can't get a word out after a couple of Bud-Lights.

They're stranded on that damn quinjet again flying to God knows where, so finding a place to drag a mumbling Grant isn't as easy as it sounds. Jemma's dozing on the nearest couch with Mr. Pip in her lap and Skye disappeared hours ago, so Leo's pretty much on his own.

When he does find an empty couch, he's lugged a grown man across the length of a damned jet and wants to flop down on it himself. Ward's still mumbling when Leo does the nice thing and take his shoes off and throw a stray afghan over him, and he's half-tempted to lean in to hear what it is Ward's trying to say. It could give him some excellent blackmail material, he's sure, but he can practically hear Jemma scolding him for that, so instead goes to turn away.

Grant mumbles again and seizes Leo's wrist, but Leo isn't about to have that so he pulls away and ignores those dumb middle-school butterflies under his skin.

~X~

The next mission ends with an explosion and burns all up Grant Ward's side. Lucky for Leo, Jemma's just sooooo gifted in biochemistry, which somehow comes with having extensive medical knowledge, and so whenever Ward decides to come into the lab, she jumps on him like a chihuahua. He doesn't seem to opposed to the idea, and Leo wishes he could say the same because damn when that man takes his shirt off.

Jemma goes on and on about cell replication and how the body heals burns, but all Fitz can really think about is the scarring on Ward's chest, because he has the same kind across his lower back where he had a tramp stamp removed (it was Vegas, he was just out of Uni, cut him some slack.)

He drives himself crazy wondering what tattoo Ward couldn't stand enough to undergo painful removal for, and when Skye presses up against him in the lab and says under her breath, "It was a bird," he spills enough acid to eat a hole into the countertop.

~X~

God damn Tony Stark shows up at SHIELD with yellow-tinted glasses and pushing a robot whirring and clicking and everything in Leo's stomach surges to the back of his throat. Tony Stark is pretty much his hero, God, the kind of technology he has and his abilities, and he's basically a mad genius who constructed a suit out of scraps, so of course Leo ends up sporting the biggest science boner.

Mr. Stark asks him about his droids and Leo goes on and on about them very proudly mind out - even manages to get in a bitter reminisce about Bilbo - and Tony seems impressed. Leo considers it his greatest accomplishment and pretty much decides to mark the day on his calendar for a yearly reminder.

"Think you can take a look at Dummy?" Tony winks to him and Leo swoons so hard he almost passes out.

He's very delicate with Mr. Stark's robot and very much ignores Grant Ward leaning over his shoulder to peer at his work, despite the fact that where his arm brushes against Leo's, heat spreads all around.

Skye and Jemma yank Leo aside after Tony Stark departs and inform him with glee in their eyes that Grant looked more jealous than he had any right to.

~X~

Grant Ward invites Leo Fitzs out for dinner.

It'd be totally appalling and he would have definitely said no if he wasn't reassured that Syke and Jemma were going to be joining them. Because of this reason he feels a little less dumb when he spends twenty minutes trying to tame his curls and changing his tie before he finds the right one.

Of course, just his luck - he's the only one that shows up.

They spend thirty minutes in silence with Grant poking a steak that doesn't look all the way cooked and Leo envisioning himself lighting all of Jemma's stuffed animals on fire before Grant clears his throat and says, "I don't think they're coming."

"Aren't you brilliant," Leo mutters mostly to himself, folding his menu into an origami swan.

Grant doesn't reply and takes a loud, large gulp of his iced tea (iced tea). "How's your study going?"

The question catches Leo off guard and he bends the tail of his swan too far over. "What study?"

"The aesthetic, dispassionate personality one," Grant waves his hands in a gesture that implies his catchphrase of "English, please".

Leo crumples his origami swan in between his palms. "I tossed it."

Grant sets his mouth in a firm line and nods like he understands. Leo doesn't think he does, and he leans back in his chair and folds his arms across his chest, and stares at Grant. "Why?"

"Just making conversation -"

"No, I mean, why do you look at me like that, and why did you act all weird when Tony Stark showed up, and most importantly," he leans forward again, rests his elbow on the table and points a finger at Grant. "Why did you tell Skye about your bird?"

And the arsehole just has the audacity to repeat, "Bird?" with a quirked eyebrow, so Leo gets up with a groan and walks out of the restaurant.

Ward can pay the bill himself, thanks.

~X~

Grant Ward gets an away mission. Skye goes with him.

Three of Jemma's stuffed animals go missing.

Everyone pretty much avoids each other for a week.

Leo's okay with that.

~X~

It happens all at once.

Leo's working alone in the lab, tinkering with the broken parts of Bilbo he hasn't had the heart to try and piece back together yet, because Jemma's still upset with him about God knows what when Grant comes in, suit and hair in a disarray. He marches towards Leo with very purposeful steps and is in his face in the next minute. "I look at you like that because under people skills I have a drawing of a porcupine and I don't understand a word that comes out of your mouth, and that accent of yours doesn't help - what even is that, Scottish, Irish? - and because even though you're arrogant and too handsy for your own good, you're a good agent, and I -" he actually falters there and Leo's eyes are so wide he's afraid they're going to pop out of his head. "I care."

Leo doesn't have anything to say, doesn't know what he even good, and takes a deep breath to match Grant's hyperventilating.

"What about the bird?" Leo whispers evenly into the abyss of silence that follows.

Grant draws back a little. "You're actually crazy."

"No, I'm serious, I get all that other stuff, because you're talking to the guy who called dibs on you the moment you walked into the door and slapped your arse, and if that wasn't clear enough then I don't know why you think you don't deserve a porcupine under people skills, but I don't get the bird."

Leo doesn't know what happens in the time span between Grant staring at him and Grant kissing him - sloppily and with teeth clashing, and of course the guy bites - but he doesn't find himself caring.

~X~

Leo buys Jemma a brand new stuffed penguin. Things are pretty great from then on.


End file.
